we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
