Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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