She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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