Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
