the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
