My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I am morally bankrupt
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
