Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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