My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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