Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
