Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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