You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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