Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
