He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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