she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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