cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
