Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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