my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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