I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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