Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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