Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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