mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
