There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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