On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
