I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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