does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
