guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
