The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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