I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
