After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
