You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
