Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
