apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
