My first STD was from a foam party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
