Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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