someone threw a dead crab at me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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