Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
