Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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