I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
