I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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