how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
