Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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