My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize