brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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