It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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