it's not cheating when I paid for it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize