I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
