i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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