sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
