Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
