SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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