'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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