Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
