If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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