If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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