I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
