i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
