He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
