and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize