How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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