I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
