Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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