oh god the rape fog is back!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize