I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
