the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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