If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dick has a subreddit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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