Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
