Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
