I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize