Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
