Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
