The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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