Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
