everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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