I just pynch a tree in the face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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