you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
